A mother wants all of life to be painless for her child. This is not a realistic goal, however. Deprivation and frustration are as much a part of life as gratification. It is some balance between these that a mother is looking for. To take the next step is always painful in part. It means relinquishing gratification on some level. If one is totally gratified where one is, why move ahead? If one is totally frustrated, why bother?
– Elaine Heffner
Every life and every childhood is filled with frustrations; we cannot imagine it otherwise, for even the best mother cannot satisfy all her child’s wishes and needs. It is not the suffering caused by frustration, however, that leads to emotional illness, but rather the fact that the child is forbidden by the parents to experience and articulate this suffering, the pain felt at being wounded.
– Alice Miller