Key to divorce success for children: Developing a friendship with your ex-spouse

Key to divorce success for children: Developing a friendship with your ex-spouse:           

Unfortunately, the lack of friendship was a big factor in my divorce. My first marriage was filled with cliché reasons that led to our divorce. We married way to young. We married because I was pregnant. We came from very different backgrounds. I was raised in a very conservative home and he was raised in a very liberal home.

I am not saying we couldn’t have made it work. We could have, if we had been friends before we became lovers.  However, after ten years of marriage and two children, we could no longer pretend that everything was okay. We divorced.

Our divorce was very difficult for us, but it was even more so for our children. For many years after the divorce, we were unable to get past our hurt and anger and become friends. Eventually, though, we got to the point were we no longer argued every time we talked. Now, we are becoming friends.

I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that I actually forgave him. When I had forgiven him, then I was able to forgive myself. Forgiveness is one of the most important steps faced by ex-spouses after a divorce.

 Children need their parents to be strong and united, even if they are divorced or remarried. Raising healthy, happy, well-adjusted children is very difficult. Even for parents in a marriage with a strong foundation. We all have to learn to forgive and forget the past. After you have gotten a divorce, you should learn to focus on the future and your children are that future.

I know it takes time, but as my grandmother used to say, “Time heals all wounds.” She was a very wise woman. I focused on this as my motto and it helped me through all those dark days surrounding the collapse of my first marriage. Now, I am happily married to a wonderful man. My ex-husband is engaged to be married later this year. We are able to speak to each other and even spend time together at our children’s birthday parties. Without all the drama that defined our marriage to each other.

Life is not all roses, but it sure smells sweet.

Word of the Day Wednesday April 2, 2008

deus ex machina \DAY-uhs-eks-MAH-kuh-nuh; -nah; -MAK-uh-nuh\, noun:
1. In ancient Greek and Roman drama, a god introduced by means of a crane to unravel and resolve the plot.
2. Any active agent who appears unexpectedly to solve an apparently insoluble difficulty.

In times of affluence and peace, with technology that always seems to arrive like a deus ex machina to solve any problem, it becomes easy to believe that life is perfectible.
— Stephanie Gutmann, The Kinder, Gentler Military

But we also need the possibility of cataclysm, so that, when situations seem hopeless, and beyond the power of any natural force to amend, we may still anticipate salvation from a messiah, a conquering hero, a deus ex machina, or some other agent with power to fracture the unsupportable and institute the unobtainable.
— Stephen Jay Gould, Questioning the Millennium

Deus ex machina is New Latin for “god from the machine”; it is a translation of the Greek theos ek mekhanes.

Trivia: The dramatic device dates from the 5th century BC and is especially associated with Euripides, one of the greatest classical tragedians. Entry and Pronunciation for deus ex machina