Key to divorce success for children: Developing a friendship with your ex-spouse

Key to divorce success for children: Developing a friendship with your ex-spouse:           

Unfortunately, the lack of friendship was a big factor in my divorce. My first marriage was filled with cliché reasons that led to our divorce. We married way to young. We married because I was pregnant. We came from very different backgrounds. I was raised in a very conservative home and he was raised in a very liberal home.

I am not saying we couldn’t have made it work. We could have, if we had been friends before we became lovers.  However, after ten years of marriage and two children, we could no longer pretend that everything was okay. We divorced.

Our divorce was very difficult for us, but it was even more so for our children. For many years after the divorce, we were unable to get past our hurt and anger and become friends. Eventually, though, we got to the point were we no longer argued every time we talked. Now, we are becoming friends.

I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that I actually forgave him. When I had forgiven him, then I was able to forgive myself. Forgiveness is one of the most important steps faced by ex-spouses after a divorce.

 Children need their parents to be strong and united, even if they are divorced or remarried. Raising healthy, happy, well-adjusted children is very difficult. Even for parents in a marriage with a strong foundation. We all have to learn to forgive and forget the past. After you have gotten a divorce, you should learn to focus on the future and your children are that future.

I know it takes time, but as my grandmother used to say, “Time heals all wounds.” She was a very wise woman. I focused on this as my motto and it helped me through all those dark days surrounding the collapse of my first marriage. Now, I am happily married to a wonderful man. My ex-husband is engaged to be married later this year. We are able to speak to each other and even spend time together at our children’s birthday parties. Without all the drama that defined our marriage to each other.

Life is not all roses, but it sure smells sweet.

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3 thoughts on “Key to divorce success for children: Developing a friendship with your ex-spouse

  1. I like this article. It reminds me of my first marriage and consequent divorce, at least the part where we were not friends. We were marrie seven years, had three children together and our baby was only two when we split. That baby today is in his mid thirtys, his father and I still don’t speak til this day…a bitter divorce? Oh yeah. The odd thing is, he cheated on me(That’s not what is odd), but the fact, that I would probably speak to him, if he would speak to me, but he won’t. Funny, huh? I’m the one who should never want to speak to him again. I struggled like hell to raise our three kids with no child support, no help paying for their education, clothes, food, nothing from him. One would think he had never fathered our kids. He married a woman who had two boys and he adopted them. He went to an attorney and had that lawyer send me a letter asking that I allow my present husband to adopt the three kids me and my ex had together. I was furious, because by then, our kids were in their mid-teens. They didn’t want their name changed at that late date and I didn’t want to go to the expense involved in hiring a lawyer and getting this done, although in my opinion, he didn’t deserve to even have the right to say they were his kids by then. Divorces can be messy. After my divorce, I’ve always said there’s no such thing as a friendly divorce. It might start out friendly, but I don’t think it will end that way. And you’re right, it’s the kids who pay the price, a terrible one….Tabs

  2. You are right Tabs, There is no such thing as a friendly divorce. I am glad you liked the article!

  3. Pingback: diy divorce

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